The Jerk

No I don't mean that movie from the 70's staring Steve Martin (which is mighty funny). I mean my very first date after the big split. If this date is what's to set the tone for all dates after, good lord have mercy upon my soul.

I met him, we chatted. We both shared a love of The Kings. Perfect right? Should be a great time for me, good introduction into my new life as a single lady. Boy was it.

We decided to meet up spontaneously, at a local chain restaurant. It was a Saturday night, around 9pm. We meet and sit in the bar, everything was going well! He was funny in the way I like, a little sarcastic, was picking up the movie quotes I was laying out. It was fun!

That's when it all went to hell with the server. She approached us happily and asked if we had ever eaten there before. Easy enough question, pretty common too. Right? Apparently it was pretty offensive. Jerk Boy scoffs and says in the bitchiest tone I think he could muster, "Yes. Actually I've been to THIS one, and eaten at THIS table." Poor girl never saw it coming. She actually stepped back like he struck her.  She kinda trips over her words a bit and says she'll be back with some waters for us.
I watch her go over to another server and point at us, talk some, and they both look over. All I could think was "great. here comes the spit/hair/nasty whathaveyou in my food."

New server comes over to us, and asks me specifically if she could get me anything. I figure this has promise but I'd be cautious. I got a milkshake. She immediately leaves the table and says nothing to Jerk Boy. Good, at least she's not mad at me. Apparently Jerk Boy notices this and decides to as loud as he cares to "well she's a fucking bitch too!"

Um? No. How about, just NO.

He makes some more comments about the couple next to us not speaking english and I knew I was done. It had been 15 mins into the date. I finish my small talk and start yawning as much as I could.  It worked, I got out! I practically ran to my car and left.

Two days later he texts me. I try to be nice but kinda blow him off. I mean, I don't need to put out into the universe that whole bitchy-vibe, right? Karma would surely repay me with it back to me threefold! I should have been a bitch.

Fast forward a week later, he sends me flowers to my work for my bday. So sweet! Beautiful flowers! I never told him where I worked..... AH BLOCK ALL THE NUMBERS! And I didn't sleep well that night or for a week after.

The End.

And Away We Go...

It's been 4 months since I officially left my (estranged) husband. I still can't believe it. I mean, when I said, "I do" to him, I wasn't expecting it to last less than 6 years. I'm sure if I had, I wouldn't have gotten married, but I digress. So now, off into the single world I go. 

Scary.
 
Do you know what kind of weirdos are out there? I feel like I live in a Dr. Seuss book of men. They come in every shape, color, size and age. Their pick up lines and game are are uniquely awkward and usually uncomfortable.  Or maybe I'm the uncomfortable one? Blah, who cares. I'm going to chronicalize it all anyway. Maybe one day, I'll pull this blog up for my daughter (who is 4, by the way so that makes it a lot more fun to date) and show her that dating has always sucked. It feels like I'm living in a horrible yet hilarious sitcom. Turn on Channel 2 and you'll watch the poor, sad, single mom Ginger date. I can see this becoming the next big thing (insert horrible face emoji here)..

So here we go. May my daughter enjoy my plight down the road of many WTF moments.